Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
