At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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