I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
