he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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