Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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