similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
