Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
