your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize