Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
