im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
