just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
