I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize