i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
