I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
