Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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