Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
