it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize