how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize