Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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