Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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