I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
