I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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