He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
