Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize