We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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