Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
