Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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