I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
