apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
