i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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