I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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