I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
