babies were throwing up all over the place
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
