I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
