I hate your face
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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