For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
