i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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