i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You ruined the universe
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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