Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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