even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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