so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
