If that was your dad, he is hot
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
