I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
why is half of my head shaved?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
