can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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