I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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