Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
