when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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