Tell her she can't have a vagina
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
