Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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