i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
