Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
