it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
