I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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