no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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