did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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