just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
