I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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