Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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