I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
