I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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