Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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