Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
