Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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