I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you had me at cake vodka
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
