I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize