According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I think I just sharted jello shots
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
