doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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